Everything I Avo Wanted

Emily discovers something incredibly exciting at the end of her garden…

They say money doesn’t grow on trees – and I used to believe them. That was until I discovered the millennial equivalent of a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow …

An avocado tree in my West London garden. Yes, you heard me, an actual avocado tree.

My bedroom looks onto the garden and occasionally I would see these green, pear shaped objects rocketing to the ground. At first I ignored them, assuming they were some weird urban fruit (I’m not from London). Then I took a closer look and assumed some extravagant Gatsby living above us was showing off his financial prowess by tossing these princely fruits at the proletariat. And then I completely forgot about it.

Since Tim Gurner’s ‘wise’ observation that if all of us youths just stopped gorging on avocado toast for brunch, then we would be able to buy a house (FYI that is roughly 24,499 portions) my relationship with avocados has been particularly tense. Not to mention their extortionate retail price – and the roulette you play with ripeness (nothing worse than a disappointing avocado – I hear ya!)

However, after venturing out last week, as the weather teased us with the promise of Spring,ย  I saw my mottled green friends lying listlessly on the paving stones once again, and this time I was determined to complete my avo-quest. The temptation of an avocado mine, glory and riches was too much to ignore.

I broached the subject with my housemates, who didn’t seem particularly bothered by my exciting revelation, and seemed slightly concerned for my mental well being. Classic avo-haters. Undeterred by their unbelieving – I decided to turn to the experts.

Enter: Sarah Bray – expert horticulturalist, plant enthusiast and my mother. Your family have to at least to pretend to be interested in your mad capers – so I knew I would get some help here.

I ventured into the garden, found a suspected avo – cut it in half and sent my family Whatsapp group a pic. (I’m convinced if Poirot was real and in his 20s today – he would have done the same thing).


Needless to say the avocado was extremely hard and having had no confirmation that it actually was an avocado – I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my poor stomach …


She was very keen for me to eat one – however I still wasn’t convinced.


A number of useful suggestions! Deciding that the plant fans were more likely to be on Twitter than Instagram – I took to the latter platform and got in touch with the Royal Horticultural Society:


And low and behold! They replied, CONFIRMING that is was in fact an avocado. Miracles do happen!


So there you have it. I have an avocado tree in my garden. If anyone has suggestions regarding how to ripen the fruit in the harsh, polluted London climate – please let me know. In the meantime I will be sitting in my garden getting smashed on avocado.

But the good news is now I can stop spending all my money on avocado toast and save up for a house instead.

avo and out,

Emily x

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